Nancy Botwin and Me

If you haven't watched the third season of Weeds, this posting may be beyond you.  I'll try to provide enough exposition of the show to be inclusive.  To start, Weeds is a dumb show.  So is Sex in the City. We're not talking high-quality, cable-drama like Six Feet Under or The Sopranos.  Still, I relish watching Weeds and Sex in the City; I'm always up for an episode, even a repeat.  They are funny and entertaining but their tremendous influence on the feminist and feminine landscape should not be obscured by their levity. First, I think we owe Carrie Bradshaw some gratitude for her effect on the blogosphere.  The writing of her column, which is the backbone of each episode, is essentially a blog; the audience sees it on her computer screen as we hear her interior monologue.  

The show's power is in it's presentation of many female archetypes.  We identify with the cynical, insecure, and ambitious Miranda, the professional, sometimes lewd,  and sexually adventurous Samantha, and the classic, naive, storybook Charlotte.  Each woman is beautiful (these gals take care of themselves), has an ultra-successful career, a fabulous wardrobe and a scintillating social life.  If you grew up in my generation there is a good chance you had the t-shirt that said "Girls Can Do Anything Boys Can Do Better." So, I identify with the City gals, admire them even.  But honestly, I never wanted to BE any of them.  Let's face it; until the final season, those ladies were unlucky at love.  The show's premise was to "live like men do" and "have sex like men do."  But in the end, Carrie and her friends found the sacrifices they made for their careers left them a bit lonely and unfulfilled.   And for all of the good sex they had, they had closets-full of bad sex.  I'll admit I was a bit jealous of their shoes and their ability to hang out together so often, but really, I'd rather be Nancy Botwin.  That bitch I envy.

Here's why.  In the third season Nancy has hot sex with a dashing Mexican druglord after he shows her his pet lion eat a goat.  I watched this scene and thought, "Where is my Mexican druglord?" I happen to have a thing for gangsters.  I'll blame it on watching Scarface and Goodfellas too many times during my formative years.  I think I thought I was supposed to like those guys---dangerous, rich, passionate.  Didn't men like them?  Don't men secretly want to be Robert Deniro? 50 Cent? John Dillinger (played by Johnny Depp)?  OK, Steve McQueen and John Wayne, at least.  You can still be a good guy as long as you're a badass.  

Nancy cites "calm" as her one fear.  She is the ultimate seductress, always flirtatiously and childishly slurping her iced lattes.  She's not stupid, but you'd think she might be; she did choose to become a weed dealer instead of a lawyer or a waitress.  She claims that this choice was forced because she needed to maintain her affluent lifestyle.  So maybe she's actually quite smart.  With her boho-chic wardrobe and her doe eyes, she is a master at working the virgin/whore thing  to get what she wants from all of the men on the show.  In many ways, Nancy Botwin is the ultimate anti-feminist while at the same time being a bit of a role model for my inner child.  I did elementary school biographies on Clara Barton, Florence Nightingale,  Annie Oakely, Belle Starr, Bonnie Parker, Sandra Day-O'Connor, and Gloria Steinem. Guess which ladies captured this young girl's imagination?  Sure, Sandra Day O'Connor's achievements were historic and Florence Nightingale's were compassionate and all, but Annie Oakley was in Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show and Gloria Steinem had been a Playboy bunny.  I, mean, really, how cool is that? 

It is not just Nancy's adventurous spirit that attracts me, it's her lifestyle; and it is her lifestyle that has the most sway on how we perceive women, for good or for ill.   Check it out:

1.  She's a MILF:  Before I had children, I thought this term was utterly offensive.  Now I think it is a compliment.  Nancy is a single mom; this gives her some street credit.  And she is a hot mom.  Snoop-Dogg ripped a rap and, in it, named a killer strain of mota after her.  Is there any higher honor?

2.  She's a widow: Nancy does not carry the burden of having a failed marriage.  Her husband died so she gains our sympathy.  She never finished her degree so what else was she supposed to do but sell drugs?  We excuse her poor choices because how could she possibly have known better?  She dropped out of college to become a housewife!

3.  She has a "manny": Her brother- in-law is on hand to be a father figure to her two sons and to help out in a crisis.  It matters not that he is a kind-hearted deadbeat.  He's family so he's sticking around, but she is not married to this loser/stoner and does not have to have sex with him.  

4.  She has cash.

5.  She has excitement.  Like, real adventure.  My excitement occurs when all of the missing socks magically find their mates.  This happens when I am caught up on ALL the laundry.  This magic happens four times a year.

6.  She has hot sex with gangsters.

Ah...there it is.  I've looped it full circle.  I'm not sure if Nancy Botwin did as much damage to feminism as Sarah Palin did---they both use sexuality to get what they want.  Perhaps we can't bring another sister down for using her "wiles."  Use 'em if you got 'em, I say.  And if you don't, well you can become the next Sandra Day O'Connor.  Another layer to this analysis of post-modern womanhood is that 60 is the new 30---didn't you know?  We live longer, we're healthier, we procreate later but get thinner faster. By my estimation, 40 year-old women are the most powerful demographic---we're smart, sexy, ambitious, and accomplished.  But, because we're really only 20, we're still a little irresponsible and reckless.  But I think it is OK to nurture our inner outlaws.  Just nurture responsibly.